Postal

Postal

So here we are back at Boll. But wait!!! This one’s different. Not only is this a good Boll movie but it is, in my opinion, at the time of writing this thee best video game movie of all time. I know you’re probably saying bullshit but I swear to you. If this review doesn’t convince you then please go rent the movie I promise you will enjoy it. Anyway enough out of me onto the review.

Postal is about a guy whose life is shit. His wife’s cheating on him his neighbors are assholes and he can’t seem to catch a break then well like the title suggests he goes postal and him and his uncle come up with a plan to get rich however during the course of the movie the postal guy has to deal with the police, terrorists, red necks and a religious cult.

Ok so first off let me say this. Postal was made to offend everyone and I do mean everyone. From the president to Osama bin Laden no one is safe in this movie. The movie parody’s red necks, religious fanatics, terrorists, big corporations, bush, news reporters, kids shows, baristas, midgets, and Uwe Boll even makes fun of himself.

Now to give you just an idea about how offensive this movie is I will describe the opening scene for you. We open on two Middle Eastern men discussing how proud they are to die for Allah. However they hit a snag when they find out Osama promised them different amounts of virgins when they get to heaven. So after a minute or two of arguing they call Osama to confirm the amount of virgins. At the end of the phone call they decide the amount of virgins isn’t enough to die over and want to turn the plane around and go to the Bahamas. At this point the passengers break into the cockpit and start to wrestle control of the plane away from the terrorists. The camera then zooms out to a window washer as we see the plane crash into the building the window washer is on and it’s apparent now that it’s the twin towers.

Now if you aren’t offended by that opening then chances are you will enjoy the rest of the movie and there’s plenty movie to enjoy and plenty of laughs to be had but I think that’s enough of me raving about the movie let’s get down to the gritty details.

Like the game Postal is very violent. There is a shootout at the unemployment office, a hilariously named little Germany amusement park, a trailer park and a terrorist compound that used to be the base of a religious cult. There’s also a stabbing of a beggar, hundreds of children die, a midget gets raped by 1000 monkeys, and a suicide bomber blows up a religious nut on a street corner among other things.
As far as likenesses to the game there’s plenty. First off the main character is named postal dude just like in the game also the local convenience store is a hide out for a terrorist cell. There’s a religious cult which is actually just a money scam run by the postal dudes Uncle Dave who is played by Dave Foley. The people making the movie tried to get Gary Coleman to reprise his role from the game but unfortunately he was unavailable but they did get Vern Troyer (mini me form the Austin powers movies) to play himself.

There was a great scene that takes place at an amusement park called little Germany where Uwe Boll makes fun of himself. In the scene Boll is being interviewed because he’s the owner of little Germany and there is a line where he’s asked how he funds his movies and his response is “well many people believe my movies are funded by Nazi gold and well, it’s true” then later Vince Desiderio the creator of the Postal game disguised as a Krotchy doll shoots Uwe Boll in the testicles and blames him for making a crappy movie from his game. As Boll is dyeing he declares “I hate video games” then falls over dead.

The similarities don’t stop there either like I mentioned above Krotchy dolls are a major focus point. The dude’s wife is nagging and cheating on him his dog is also named champ like in the game. At one point the dude uses a live cat as a silencer however unlike in the game the cat lives. And last but not least the end of the movie like the game ends with the apocalypse.

Now the acting is fantastic especially in the case of the actors playing Bush and Bin Laden. I mean it’s a comedy movie so don’t expect jaw dropping dramatic performances but everyone delivers there lines with perfect timing and both Dave Foley who was on kids in the hall for a long time and Zach Ward who was on Titus are veteran comedic actors and it shows. I may be a little bias as I have always been a fan of Zach ward and was super excited he was the postal dude and to be honest I think he looks like the postal dude with the exception of the red hair.

The plot is not a direct retelling of the events from postal or postal 2 but it has the attitude and feel of the games most of this I attribute to the fact that Desiderio was involved with the script and production of the game witch again simply proves my point that if video game companies where more involved with the movies based or three games we would get better quality video game adaptations.
There will be no how I would do it section in this review as I think this movie is perfect the way it is.

Overall the movie is a perfect example of a good adaptation. It has the characters and the attitude and feeling of the game it’s based on there’s all kinds of little things like the cat silencer for the fans to pick up on and if you’re not a completely stuck up person then you can enjoy the incredibly offensive humor.

Overall I give postal 10 out of 10 dead Gary Coleman’s. The movie like I said above is just about perfect in terms of a video game adaptation incorporating lots of stuff from the game including the overall attitude.

The acting gets 9 out of 10. It’s almost perfect timing on all the lines and the writing is so good that even the crappy actors, IE the hot girls, come off as funny.

The plot gets 9 out of 10. It’s not a perfect translation but it is enough like the game that nobody should care and it was good enough that the creator of the game himself allowed it to be made.

The content gets 10 out of 10. Just about every single character or type of character from the game is in the movie.

Well we are now 1 movie away from finishing of the Boll movies and that movie is Far Cry I’m also downloading a copy of alone in the dark 2 however this is simply being produced by Boll he is not writing or directing like the rest of his movies so I’m not counting it as his. After Far Cry is Max Payne followed by the new street fighter both of which I plan to have done in less than a month because in august Tekken comes out and the creators have made a public statement that they are committed to making the best fighting game adaptation yet and promise it will be nothing like the street fighter movies or the Mortal Kombat movies.