Monday, March 1, 2010

Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll
Retarded Idiot or Mad Genius

This is a project I have been wanting to do for awhile I’m here today to review Uwe Boll not a movie but the man himself I’d like to look at his film works and see if he is really as bad as people say he is. At the time of writing I have already reviewed all his movies based on video game so you can look those up if you’re curious what I thought of his movies.

Boll was born June 22nd 1965 in Germany and believe it or not he did go to college. We have Marlon Brando to blame for getting Boll interested in movies because it was after seeing the film Mutiny on the Bounty Boll decided to go into film making at the tender age of 10.

His movies have not always been video game adaptations though his first two American releases where horror and drama respectfully. Both of which got decent reviews believe it or not. In between his last few videogame movies he made a couple of original films as well. The first being Seed a horror movie about a man who kills a lot of people and then caught and sentenced to death. However to avoid having to release him on a state law that says if the person doesn’t die with three shocks from the electric chair they have to be set free. The police bury seed alive. Of course seed gets out of the grave and hunts down everyone that did wrong to him.

The second movie is Tunnel Rats a drama about a group of U.S. soldiers and Viet Cong soldiers who are fighting each other in a series of underground tunnels. Seed got ok reviews but Tunnel Rats got really decent reviews at least from unbiased people. I honestly think that some critics both at home and professional will automatically call a Boll movie bad just because his name is on it and truthfully that’s not fair.
I mean if I didn’t watch Postal just because Boll did it then I would have missed a hilarious movie. Which brings me to my next point I think it’s possible that Boll’s video game movies may have just been jokes. No no hear me out. There are so many mistakes so many plot holes such stupid dialog how could it be anything but a joke.

Ok here’s one of my favorite lines from House of the Dead. The main bad guy has one of the humans on the table and has just finished explaining his evil plot and the human says “you wanted to become immortal but why?” and the genius writers have the bad guy respond with “to live forever” I mean come on if that’s not comedy that I think Boll may have a brain tumor. In the same movie we get a flashback scene that flashes back every event in the movie.

It’s things like this that make me believe that the video game movies have to be a joke because they are so horrible but all his original work is at the very least decent. It’s not the best but then again it is all indie work as he funds his own movies so you can’t expect much. (and no I’m not saying indie movies are bad I’m just saying that most of the time they are not the best with that rare movie making it big like Donnie Darko, Clerks, Evil Dead, and so on,)

So again I state that just because his name is on something don’t immediately judge it as bad. I challenge anyone who is a fan of movies to find an original Boll movie not one based on a video game and watch it unbiased you might be surprised.
Putting aside his directing and writing abilities let’s talk about Boll as a person for a second. I think generally he is an ok guy and pretty funny too. When postal came out Boll released a video of himself saying that directors like Michael Bay and Eli Roth where idiots and didn’t know anything about making movies. Obviously a joke and a very funny one at that, when postal came out he also claimed that it would beat the fourth Indiana Jones at the box office again another joke.

One event involving Boll is hilarious in its own right. He challenged 5 of his harshest critics to a boxing match each fight lasting ten rounds. Boll beat them all, and afterwards stated that he now likes the critics for having guts. One other thing Boll has done which I think is pretty interesting is in two of his films, Tunnel Rats and Stoic really didn’t have scripts and the actors where pretty much improvising their lines. This shows great talent on Bolls part for being able to direct the actor’s emotions and even more talent on the actor’s parts for being able to come up with dialog on the spot.

He has a couple movies coming up soon that I am genuinely interested in seeing. The first is called Rampage it’s about a guy who gets fed up with society makes a body suit out of Kevlar and goes on a “rampage” killing lots and lots of people kind of like Natural Born Killers or Falling Down. The second is called Zombie Massacre and it looks to be a funny over the top zombie movie and with Boll displaying skills in comedy I have high hopes.

So all in all is Boll the next Ed Wood? Maybe but Ed’s movies are only popular because of how absolutely bad and ridicules they are and while Bolls video game movies fit this description his original movies are not all bad and have actually won indie film awards including best director.

So like my other reviews let’s give Mr. Boll a score I say as a director he gets 5 out of 10. He is nowhere near the greatest director ever but as an indie director he’s certainly not the worst. So next time your cruising the new release shelf and you see a movie with the words “An Uwe Boll film” then pick it up make sure it’s not based on a video game and give it a shot.

OneeChanbara

OneeChanbara

Well it seems as if all the movies I was waiting for keep getting delayed and instead I keep finding these obscure video game adaptation movies that no one has heard of or cares about and today is no exception as I review the OneeChanbara movie and its sequel. Although it’s more of standalone movie then a sequel but well get into that later. You probably have never heard of the game or the movie with the same title but without further ado let’s take a look at OneeChanbara the movie and OneeChanbara the movie vortex.

In both movies the world is infested by zombies that are the result of none other than an evil corporation experimenting with prolonging life. In the first movie the story follows Aya a zombie hunter that’s looking for her sister who killed her parents. The second movie follows Aya and her younger sister Saki as they hunt down zombies trying to find a way to get the world back to normal.

Now before we get to the meat of this review I need to give you a bit of background on the games. The OneeChanbara games are cult games in Japan two of which have made it over to our side of the world, one on Xbox 360 and one on Wii. In the games you play as one of two sisters fighting through hordes of zombies what’s the big deal you ask well as most things Japanese the games characters are scantily clad. The storyline explanation for this is that when the sisters are covered in blood they become extra powerful. So they have to where very little clothes to get as much of their skin covered in blood as possible.

Wow that sounds hot your saying. Well hold on to your pants there mister its true it does have a campy attraction to it much like dead or alive extreme beach volleyball had bouncing ladies and physic defining breasts. However where as D.O.A. EBV was a solid volley ball title with smooth controls and addicting game play the OneeChanbara game I played was glitchy and frustrating at best and no amount of bikini wearing zombie killing hotties could help it.

So how do the movies stack up? Well about as well as the game. The movies do an ok job of capturing the crazy zombie killing hack and slash action that makes up the meat of the games but they fall short in just about every other department. The first movies action is a bit better choreographed then the second and the acting is much better too but they both have their ups and downs.

The second movie is closer to the games story line as far as I could tell as the one game I played is actually like the 5th in the series so we poor Americans get very little of the back story. But from the little bit of info I could dig up originally Aya’s sister Saki is being controlled by the evil D3 corporation witch is actually the name of the game developer. And eventually Aya gets her back to normal but in the movie Saki is just a bitch and doing everything of her own free will and eventually Aya ends up fighting and killing her. Then in the second movie she’s alive again without any explanation and they are working together and instead of Saki having killed their parents it’s now the evil corporations doing.

Now in the game there’s two important meters aside from the health meter. There is the blood fury meter which determines how much blood the player is covered in when it fills they enter blood fury mode where they become stronger but also take more damage and the gore meter which shows how much blood the players weapon is covered in if they don’t clean the weapon then it losses strength and begins to get stuck in enemies.

Each movie has scenes that represent one of these meters but never both. The first movie has a scene where Aya is fighting a huge group of zombies and after about half of them her sword gets stuck and then throughout the movie she is cleaning the blood off by flicking the sword samurai style. And in the second movie a good part of it is focused on the blood fury mode.

As far as characters and content from the game both movies have some about as much as you would expect from a video game adaptation. The main sisters are both in the movie although there relationship with each other is only correct in the second one. Reiko is another character form the games but in the first movie she is a good guy where as in the game she is a villain and for some reason she is the only character that really carries over from the first movie to the second yeah the sisters do but there whole back story is changed.

The main villain from the second game is also in the second movie. Himiko however at first she uses the name Misery which is actually the name of her clone but her character actually translates pretty well onto the big screen and she has a pretty decent evil psychopathic laugh I enjoyed.

So what’s a movie based on a hack and slash video game without hack and slashing? No it’s not in the name of the king where done with Uwe Boll. Anyway the action for the first one is a lot better then what you get in the second movie. In the first one the actors move quickly there’s decent wire work and there’s even a few special moves from the game like in the opening scene where Aya charges her attack and then spins around to take out surrounding zombies.

The final battle of the last movie is also a lot more epic and awesome then the second. it involves Aya and Saki both unlocking some kind of hidden potential that allows them to fight like anime characters by flying around causing explosions moving so fast it seems like teleportation in comparison the final battle of the second movie between Himiko and Aya is very very slow with bad editing and crappy wire work.

In the second movies final battle there’s a scene where both Himiko and Aya use their weapons to lightly touch the ground then spring back up but you can easily tell it’s someone simply touching the swords to the ground then cutting back to the fighting.

Both movies have things that make them seem very silly and campy and sometimes are annoying. One constant is Aya’s rose tattoo is clearly a rub on and is often peeling throughout the movie. In the first movie Reiko never reloads once and it seems as if she has infinite ammo. This is very weird considering the fact her gun is a double barrel sawed off shotgun.

The second movie uses a very annoying blood splatter effect that covers the camera in every single last action scene now while this is a feature present in the game it’s still annoying maybe the first time as fan service sure but it’s annoying here it’s annoying in the game its annoying in call of duty modern warfare 2 and should just be gotten rid of all together.

The acting all around is pretty bad and again very cheesy but not in a good way. The plots follow the games plots as well as a crazy Japanese cult game can be followed I mentioned before that they screwed up Saki in the first movie but besides that it’s as good as can be expected.

How would I do it? Well I wouldn’t have I know it’s a copout but it’s true the games where not good enough to warrant a movie hell the games aren’t even good enough to warrant games

Overall the first one is worth a watch if you absolutely have to the second is not good for anything at all. I found these on the internet not sure if they have an American release yet but I’m sure if you really wanted to you could find them at an import store. Now on to the scores

Overall the movies get 3 out of 10 bikini wearing zombie hunters. The first one has some ok action second one is not worth a glance

The acting gets 3 out of 10. Even though it’s subtitled you can still tell the actors are not very good at all

The content gets 5 out of 10. Spread between the two movies we get recognizable characters villains and special moves but n to much else.

The plot gets 4 out of 10. The second movie is closer to the game then the first but the first is more enjoyable by far.

Well here we are again at the end of another movie I didn’t know I would be reviewing. Tekken obviously did not come out on time but I have seen a trailer and it looks great the art of fighting however looks absolutely ridicules but I guess we will see. Prince of Persia does look fantastic though and I’m hoping all 3 of those will be out before the end of the year so I can include them in vol.2 as of right now this is only the second review in vol.2 .

Top ten movies you dident know where based on comics

Top Ten Movies You Didn’t Know Where Based on Comics

So it’s been awhile since I’ve done a top ten list so I’m back with the top ten movies you didn’t know where based on comics. Before we get started I need to clarify the list is movies that normal movie goers didn’t know where based on a comic book, the placement of the movies on the list has nothing to do with how good the movie was just how little people may actually know it was a comic. Disclaimer: if you are a fan of comic books you most likely know all these where based on comics. Ok now with all that out of the way let’s get started.

10. A History of Violence. The comic was written by John Wagner and published by vertigo. The movie of the same name was directed by David Cronenberg. The only reason this movie isn’t higher on the list is the fact that the DVD had a sticker on it that said “based on the graphic novel” so that kind of gives it away but there are still a ton of people out there who saw the movie and don’t know there’s a graphic novel out there it’s based on.

Both the movie and the comic are about a man who owns a diner, one night he fights off a couple of robbers and gets on the news then mobsters show up and claim they know the diner owner, the owner denies this and the next series of events throws his life into a tailspin. I’ve never read the comic but the movie is great through my research I’ve found the first half of the movie is very much like the comic while the second half takes quite a few liberties. Since I haven’t read the comic I can’t give an honest opinion but I would highly recommend the movie.

9. The Surrogates. The comic was written by Robert Venditti and published by Top Shelf, the movie with the same name but dropping the “the” was directed by Jonathan Mostow. This is a newer movie whose DVD is not out at the time of writing which is why it’s only at number 9. At the end of the preview it mentions it’s based on a comic but not sure how many people where paying attention or even bothered to follow up on it.

The plot to both the comic and the movie take place in the future although the comic and movie have different dates, 2054 and 2017 respectfully. While there are a few changes the comic and movie follow the same basic plot order and cover the same events and the overall ending is the same with one minor difference. I enjoyed both the comic and the movie and would easily recommend both.

8. Wanted. The comic was written by Mark Millar and published by Top Cow, the movie of the same name was directed by (god help me spell this right) Timur Bekmambetov. This is one even comic fans may not know because of how crazy different the movie and comic are at first it seems only the title and a few character names are the same.

The plot at its very basic core is the same a loser kid finds out his dad was killed and now he’s part of a secret society and has special abilities. But after that they are amazingly different in the movie its assassins and in the comic its supervillans and the differences don’t stop there. I won’t get into too much detail but I do recommend both the comic and the movie although they are nothing alike they are both great in their own right.

7. Swamp Thing. The comic was written by Len Wein, the movie also with the same name was directed by horror master Wes Craven. It’s an older movie with more of a cult following than anything else, there was also a cartoon series but I remember that being more like captain planet than anything else. A tiny bit of trivia for you fans not in the know about comics Wein also co-created the characters Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler and Colossus.

The first movie is the origin story of our hero and does a pretty good job of following the comic’s story the action is good the effects for the time look pretty good and of course the direction is good. Basically a doctor is in a lab accident and becomes the swamp thing who then fights to protect the swamp and the people inside mainly against an evil doctor who wants immortality. I haven’t read any of the comics but the movie was pretty good for its time and if you’re curious enough then it maybe fun to read the comics.

6. Aliens vs. Predator. The original comic was written by Randy Stradley and published by Dark Horse, and the first movie was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson and the second by the Strause brothers. While it’s true that the alien and predator movies where movies first the first time that the two races fought each other was in the pages of the comic. The first comic came out right before predator 2 and in predator 2 you can see an alien skull in the predator’s ship.

The plot to the first comic is very similar to the movie however in the comic the events take place in the future and on another planet while in the movie its present day earth. But they both follow the same formula where an unsuspecting planet and group of people is exposed to the predators hunting practice and eventually one of the humans joins up with a predator. Not sure if there is a comic with similar events to the second movie but it’s got more action except this time it’s a lone predator that’s higher ranked then the others. Both the comics and movies are good, the comic has a bit more plot development but the movies are fun mindless entertainment.

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The comic was written by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird and published under Mirage. The first movie (the only one I’m covering) was directed by Steve Barron. Now a lot and I do mean a lot of people know there is a cartoon but very few people know there’s a comic. And the first movie is based more on the comic then the cartoon. Whereas the cartoon was very kid friendly the comic was very dark and violent and the first move does a great job of combining both.

There are a few differences from the comic and the movie and I blame these on the cartoon such as April being a news reporter where as in the comic she’s a research assistant in a lab. However if they had her being a lab assistant then they would have to do the mouser story line and the special effects where not good enough back then to do it justice. If you have never read a TMNT comic before and you are a fan you owe it to yourself to find one and read it and of course the movie is a fun guilty little pleasure.

4. Mystery Men. The Flaming Carrot comics the movie is based on are written by Bob Burden and published by several different publishers currently Image. The movie Mystery Men was directed by Kinka Usher. Now the comic is officially about the Flaming Carrot however the carrot is responsible for forming the group Mystery Men. The movie is loosely based on the comics but with the exception of Captain Amazing and Invisible Boy every hero has made an appearance in the comic.

I have never read a Flaming Carrot comic but from what I can gather the movie follows the comics theme of parodying super heroes. I’ve heard great things about the comic and I know for a fact that the movie is very very funny so if you’re in the mood for something lighter and more hilarious then most comics or comic book movies check out the Flaming Carrot and Mystery Men

3. Bulletproof Monk. The comic is written by Michael Avon Oeming, and the movie was directed by Paul Hunter. So no matter how hard I tried I could not find any info on the comic. I was able to find a few pieces of cover art but that’s it I don’t know the plot and the only character name I could find was that of Chow Yun-Fat’s character the nameless monk.

I can only assume that like with a lot of comic book movies the movie is similar in ways to its source material but also a lot different in places the fight scenes in the movie are pretty good if you’re not fed up with the whole wire-fu thing other than that if you find a Bulletproof Monk comic give it a read and let me know how it is.

2. Men in Black. The comic is written by Lowell Cunningham and was originally published by Aircel comics then Malibu and lastly Marvel, the movies where directed by Barry Sonnenfeld. This is another comic book movie that simply takes the basic plot and characters of the comic and reshapes them. Zed Kay and Jay are all in the comic however the tone of the comic is more adult and grittier then the movies.

In the comic the Men in Black handle all kinds of paranormal activity besides aliens such as demons, and mutants. Also in the comic instead of memory erasure the MiB agents will just kill witnesses and the last difference is that instead of maintaining peace and balance on earth the MiB help shape the world in the way they see fit.

1. The Mask. The comic was originally written by John Arcudi and published by Dark Horse. The movie was directed by Chuck Russell. Now who would have thought that the hilarious Jim Carey movie would be based on an ultra violent comic, well not me that’s for sure. But it is and like men in black the movie substitutes violence for comedy.

In the comic the mask turns the person wearing it into an ultra violet antihero. In the movie the mask is only as violent as the person wearing it. An example is in the movie when Stanly gets revenge on the mechanics he only hurts them physically and in a comedic way but in the comic he kills them. I would very highly recommend both the comic and the movie. The movie is Jim Carey before his act became repetitive and annoying and the comic is ultra violent dark comedy goodness.

Well friends that concludes the top ten movies you didn’t know where based on comic books. I hope you enjoyed it and if you’re not a comic fan I hope this list inspired you to go pick up a graphic novel or two.

P.S. if any of the info I put about the comics is incorrect please let me know so I can correct it